Saturday. 18. January. 1851.
Clear, and cold, wind high, dust om clouds.
I sat with Julia all the morning.
Miss ____ Arranged an allegory for her on the Genius of Compositions.
sent my She wrote it out partly on her slate. After running some
basket home.braid on my old clock, I put it on and went to walk.
The cold, and wind soon sent me home.
Mrs Wooddruff, Miss Hornblower, and the Miss Cummings,
called in to see us. invited Julia to meet them with Rima,
and, Mr Cornell that evening. Catharine sent the message by them
to Julia. We gave no positive answer, but unfortunately I
encouraged Julia in the hope of going. Her pleasure was
my only thought. When her father came in to dinner
he put a stop to the whole affair.
Julia passed the evening with Mrs Smith in her little room.
met Rima & Mr C.[,] very pleasantly she said on her return.
On my devoted head were poured the phials of wrath, my
errors of the heart, and of judgment, will ever be my
[punishment], Life would be too sweet, were it not for Sin.
My evening was sad, dark, and bitter; a nervous pain, and
[feverish] tendency, making me unhappy.
Some words pierce the soul; and there remain to fester.
Sunday.19. January. 1851.
Cold, and Clear.
This is the coldest day of this year.
After the summer of last week, we feel the change.
My head still jumped, and I felt inclined to keep my bed,
but no one aroused themselves unless my voice summons
them to arise. The children went to Church, I was too weak
to walk so far, and felt too gloomy.
Had a long conversation with Mr H. he is very____, of pos.
sible more than is deserved. To acknowledge a fault is the first
step to repentance; mine have been both [repented off long ago.
I know that my feelings are too susceptible, and that the _______
of alienating the affections and of becoming bound in the esteem
of one, has been my misfortune. Enough faults dim my
own character, but why must I suffer for the ill conduct of
those members of a common family, over whom I have no con.
trol. The errors of my youth were many, those of my more
matured age have been few, of my married life. I have hoped
the number to be still less. Worms of the dust, are frail,
and angels do not live on earth; it is only by prayer that we
are preserved from evil. I must drink the bitter waters of
life, its pleasures fall from me , day by day.
Julia, is the oasis of my ______, I love to [unterplate] her
girlish beauty. Will she comfort and soothe my coming days!
She wrote her composition, and read it for her father, I assisted
her in despite of my head & heat ache.
How miserable I felt, no will ever know; my heart is too ______.